Give Your Child Practice Being Independent

October 4, 2022

Whether in the grocery store, in the neighborhood, or at a museum or other outing, your child is always wanting to explore the boundaries of their freedom. Your job as a parent is not to protect them from everything. Nor is it to expose them to risky situations and hope they survive. Instead it is your job to help them safely build the skills that will serve them well as they grow into mature independent adults.

You can help your child safely gain this independence by using periodic check-ins to allow them freedom with responsibility.

This simple tool helps them explore while meeting expectations. It also helps them share the responsibility of being on time.

Understand the space

Using periodic check-ins depends a lot on the space where you will be practicing. In a small shop or a store with clearly defined spaces and one primary exit, you can give your child more freedom and time with confidence. You can set yourself up in a spot to observe or perhaps even to browse independently.

Larger spaces with less clearly defined boundaries and more people in them require more thought. Places like museums and public parks require more structure. This might include more check-ins and a shorter virtual “leash.”

Understand your child’s age

Your child will naturally become engaged and whatever play activity they select. And also attention spans vary based on the age of your child. So you will need to consider all of the variables. For a 6 year old, for instance, you might say they can come and get you when they are ready, but that you will be back in 5 minutes to check on them. If your child is older, you may give them time or a specific task to accomplish, such as, “come back in 15 minutes with the book you would like to buy.”

Older children can handle more time apart. But you know your child best. An anxious child might benefit from knowing you are nearby, or more frequent check-ins. A resourceful and more independent child might want more freedom but still need clear boundaries.

Use clear signals

Many younger children don’t wear watches or carry phones, so it is hard to set time-based expectations for them. So think about the signals that occur naturally at your location. Is there a large clock visible? Are there regular announcements? Is there a watch you can lend your child for this specific purpose?

Helping your child develop a sense of independence and responsibility without shaming or blaming is an important job for parents. Using scheduled check-ins is a simple way to promote this.